“What Makes a Good Deacon?” - Andy Webb

It is commonly thought, even in the church that the most important positions in any organization are those of leadership, not service, and consequently it’s the leadership positions that are most often striven for. As a result the office of deacon, which is self-evidently one of service, is often thought of as less important in the Kingdom of God. Nothing could be further from the truth, for as William Hendriksen put it, “it was and is a glorious task. It is based upon Christ’s loving concern for his people. So close to his heart is this tender solicitude that he regards what is done to the least of his brothers as if it had been done to himself (Matt. 25:31–46).”

Deacons are the men who more than any other church officer represent the church to the outside world. Someone at this point might be skeptical, if the apostles in Acts 6 could describe the office as “waiting tables” how can you say such a thing? Well let’s consider just how important “waiting tables” is in the world of commerce. When you go to restaurant, it may have the best cook in town, and the best accountant, the best manager, the best bus boys, but that’s not who your primary interaction is going to be with. Your primary interaction will be with the wait staff, the waiters and waitresses. An excellent waiter can make a dining experience either a pleasure or a pain. I tell you the truth when I say, I’d rather have middle of the road food and indifferent wine, served to me by an excellent waiter, than expertly cooked food served to me late and cold by an inattentive and rude waiter. But its not just the impression made on the outside world, that the deacon is critically important to, the deacon cares for the spiritual and physical needs of the poor and broken, he welcomes, integrates and promotes harmony amongst the members of the church, he listens to and answer the questions, complaints, suggestions, and concerns of the members and works to prevent schism. He notices and is concerned when members attend infrequently and seeks to determine the spiritual causes. He acts as a steward of the resources of the church. And that summary barely skims the surface of his responsibilities.

Given the importance of such tasks it is vital to the health of any church that the men called to this office be qualified. Certainly they must have the general qualities of godliness spelled out in Acts 6, but the particular gifts and qualities that a deacon must have are most explicitly spelled out by Paul in 1 Timothy 3:8-13 so that is where we will be focusing on the eight qualities of a good deacon. There we read: 8 Likewise deacons must be reverent, not double-tongued, not given to much wine, not greedy for money,

9 holding the mystery of the faith with a pure conscience.

10 But let these also first be tested; then let them serve as deacons, being found blameless.

11 Likewise their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things.

12 Let deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.

13 For those who have served well as deacons obtain for themselves a good standing and great boldness in the faith which is in Christ Jesus.

First they must be reverent, that is the NKJV translation, but the word is closer to dignified, worthy of respect. A man of honor. This is a character trait we don’t see enough today. But this is the kind of man you can trust. In a deacon this is essential. You can’t have the funds of the church being taken care of by untrustworthy, unreliable men no one respects.

Second, they must not be “double tongued” not men who say one thing to one person and something different to another. Not a man who speaks out of both sides of his mouth. A man who tells the truth even when it costs him. It should be the case that if he says it, you can take it to the bank. They shouldn’t be servants like Gehazi, Elisha’s servant, who lied and committed fraud in order to enrich himself.

Third, they must not be given to much wine. Note that Paul does not write, “not given to any wine” he writes, “not given to much wine.” No officer in the church should be a drunkard, or addicted to anything else for that matter.

Fourth, they should not be greedy for money, a man in charge of the material goods of the church should not be someone who would have a natural temptation to help himself. Here we have the example of Judas who was the treasurer of the apostles, but we read in John 12:6 “he was a thief, and had the money box; and he used to take what was put in it.” His greed even led him to betray Jesus eventually, but beware, take heed of the fact that NOONE except Jesus suspected him prior to that.

Fifth, they must hold the mystery of the faith with a pure conscience. This is a spiritual office. The kind of qualities you are looking for in a true deacon, are not going to be found in a non-believer. A good deacon isn’t merely someone who can do math and knows how to unplug a toilet, he is going to be a man who loves Christ, who knows the Christian faith, and because of that watches out for his own behavior. He’s a man like Joseph, who even when tempted by Potiphars wife answered, “How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?" Martyn Lloyd-Jones pointed out that a deacon will always put spiritual matters first, “it is always wrong to put man before God. That, in a nutshell, is the real trouble with the world. Man is at the center; man is everything. . . . So it is wrong to put man before God, and, second, in exactly the same way, it is wrong to put the body before the soul.” Thabiti Anyabiwile points out the right order, “A solid deacon prioritizes God over man, the soul over the body, and eternity over time even while he attends to the important practical and bodily needs of people.”

Sixth, he must be a man who has been tested. It’s often said you’ll know who you should make deacons, because they’ll be the men who are ALREADY serving the church without having office. The apostles called upon the congregation to choose seven men for themselves, assuming that they’d know the men in the congregation who best fit the requirements. They’d already been “tested” in their daily lives. You can’t take a man who is untested put him in the calling and hope he learns to do it as he goes along.

Seventh, if they are married, “their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things.” There are two critical reasons for this. First, these are men who are charged with taking care of the physical needs of the congregation, they will or at least should know the true state of affairs in any family and will often be privy to highly sensitive information. A gossiping intemperate wife could take that information and spread it around and in no time at all, her husband’s diaconal ministry would be destroyed. What wife would go to the deacons to tell them her husband had gambled away their money and they couldn’t pay the rent if she knew that deacon so and so’s wife was going to spread the story far and wide?

So why single out the qualities that the deacon’s wives must have, and not the elder’s as well? Because the wives of Elders are not going to be helping him to rule the church or preach and teach (Paul had specifically forbidden that earlier in this epistle when in 1 Timothy 2:12 he said, “And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence.”), but inevitably the wives of deacons are going to end up assisting their husbands, going with them to wait on the women of the congregation, making meals, helping with children, giving godly advice to young wives and mothers as Titus 2 commands. In those moments you desperately need a godly mature woman who is also worthy of respect.

Eighthly, if they are married, they must be “husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.” Husbands of one wife means no polygamists, no bigamists. A faithful one-woman man. But what does ruling their children and their own houses well mean? Does this mean that they must be perfect fathers with perfectly behaved angelic children? No, it means men who know how to raise their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and who are applying biblical discipline. It is often the case that a good man will have incorrigible children, but the problem in that case is the hardness of the child, not the softness of the father.

We should take note of the results of manifesting these qualities, they obtain for themselves a good standing and great boldness in the faith which is in Christ Jesus. That kind of deacon is honored in the church, and becomes a bold in the faith. A man who like Stephen is bold in his willingness to tell others about Jesus Christ. And that is critical. Because the deacon realizes that merely taking care of someone’s body is not enough.

Finally, I should add a NINTH and overarching qualification of a deacon. He must be a man. I realize that not every Reformed Christian agrees on this point, but I believe it to be the clear teaching of scripture. To tell you the truth, if I honestly thought that God had intended that the office of deacon be open to women, I would be happy to begin enlisting the women of the church as it is often much easier to find Christian women with a servant’s heart than men and there are plenty of occasions in diaconal ministry where having a women minister to women would make things much easier. But from the beginning of the office of deacon in Acts 6, even though the primary recipients of help were women (widows), it was men who were called and ordained to the office. Also, you’ll remember that in verse 12 of 1 Timothy 3 it reads, “Let deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.”

Now up until our culture lost its mind in the 21st century, women could not be the husbands of one wife, nor does the bible teach that they rule in their houses. I realize that someone who understands Koine Greek might respond, “Ok, well verse 12 may refer to wives but the word that the NKJV translates “Wives” in verse 11, as in “Likewise their wives must be reverent” is actually gunaikas the Greek word for women! So verse 11 is actually talking about the women not wives, i.e. women deacons or what we would call deaconesses.”

My response to that would be to answer that while gunaikas can mean both woman and wife, here it’s clearly wives not women unless Paul wanted to confuse Timothy by suddenly changing the meaning of a word he uses before and after verse 11. If you will look at chapter 3 again you’ll notice that in verse 2 the word translated “wives” in verse 2 as in, “the husband of one wife” is also gunaikas as is wife in verse 12. The idea that the meaning of gunaikas would change from wife to women and then back to wife in the context of one chapter without any indication is simply untenable.

But the verse most often referred to in order to support the idea that there were women deacons in the Apostolic church is not in 1 Timothy it’s in Romans 16:1 which reads I commend to you Phoebe our sister, who is a servant of the church in Cenchrea, 2 that you may receive her in the Lord in a manner worthy of the saints, and assist her in whatever business she has need of you; for indeed she has been a helper of many and of myself also.

Advocates of women deacons point out that Phoebe was a woman and Paul clearly refers to her in this verse as a diakonon of the church. To which I would respond, yes, Phoebe was a servant of the church in Cenchrea. But that does not make her an ordained deacon of the church in Cenchrea. The majority of times the word DIAKONOS is used in the NT it means simply servant and doesn’t refer to the office of Deacon. For instance, all of the italicized words in following verses are actually the word diakonos, but none of them are referring to an ordained deacon.

Matthew 23:11 "But he who is greatest among you shall be your servant.

John 12:26 "If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also. If

anyone serves Me, him My Father will honor.

Romans 13:4 For he is God's minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear

the sword in vain; for he is God's minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil. Romans 15:8 Now I say that Jesus Christ has become a servant to the circumcision for the truth of God, to

confirm the promises made to the fathers,

Galatians 2:17 "But if, while we seek to be justified by Christ, we ourselves also are found sinners, is

Christ therefore a minister of sin? Certainly not!

Ephesians 3:7 of which I became a minister according to the gift of the grace of God given to me by the

effective working of His power.

Ephesians 6:21 But that you also may know my affairs and how I am doing, Tychicus, a beloved brother

and faithful minister in the Lord, will make all things known to you;

Colossians 1:7 as you also learned from Epaphras, our dear fellow servant, who is a faithful minister of Christ on your behalf,

Colossians 4:7 Tychicus, a beloved brother, faithful minister, and fellow servant in the Lord, will tell you all the news about me.

1 Tim 4:6 If you instruct the brethren in these things, you will be a good minister of Jesus Christ, nourished in the words of faith and of the good doctrine which you have carefully followed.

In these verses Tychicus, Epaphras, Timothy and even Paul himself are all called “diakonos” and yet none of them ever held the office of deacon. Small wonder then that Paul would call his dear sister Phoebe a “diakonos” as well.

You can and should be a good servant of the church without being ordained, we all should be, and that there were women in the church who assisted the deacons is indisputable. The fact is that women have fulfilled a vital role in the church in every age even in congregations that do not consider them candidates for ordination. Our own congregation could not function without the vital service of the women of the church. But in a similar way, women have always fulfilled a vital role in the family and yet the office of husband is also not open to them.