Gentle Unto All - Nick Napier

And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, in meekness instructing those that oppose themselves

2 Timothy 2:24-25a (underlined for emphasis)

This verse in context is speaking of a minister’s—particularly Timothy's, but extends to all Christian—interaction with those with whom there is some sort of theological dispute—as seen from verse 23. Such disputation must not produce quarrels or harshness (the opposite of kindness and gentleness).

The reason for such an admonition is stated in the remainder of verse 25-26: if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.

All of this to say, if we are to be kind to those with whom we disagree, (and for ministers even with wolves who come with doctrine that may damn the souls of men; this is not to say that we are not to correct such ones, it is only addressing how we are to address them), how much more are parents to be gentle with their own children! They are flesh and blood who are not theological enemies but rather disciples who are our highest responsibilities. They are to be brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord—not in our sullenness or surliness. They are not our enemies, but rather those who are to see and hear our Savior who was meek and lowly.

How often are we gruff? Do we snip? Do we quibble? Micromanage? Scowl? Growl? Grumble? Huff? Puff? How often do we think that being firm means being grouchy? Are we believing that outward conformity in our children is what is most important and so we are firm without love thinking that will produce results—when it is actually just making little versions of us? Are we guilty of being able to “speak with tongues of men and angels” and yet being nothing more than “sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal” because we are not lovingly gentle as Christ is with us?

As I reflect on Paul's words to Timothy, I am struck by how far I fall short of this with my own children! As a father my highest calling is, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). It should be our aim to set Christ and His beauty and glory before our children in all that we do, especially in how we speak to them and treat them, even when they are not behaving.

At a fundamental level, we fail as parents when we are kind or gentle with others out of societal norms and fear of being thought rude, but not with our own children out of Christian conviction and desire to be like Christ. When we are unkind or harsh, we provoke our children on several levels: 1) if they are young they cannot do anything about it and simply internalize and carry frustration; 2) if they are older and respectful the hurt/anger only gets pushed down and likely not dealt with in a way that brings relief to their soul; 3) it provokes them to more than just anger—but to feelings of sadness and despair in a way being upset that is beyond their emotional capacity (depending on their age).

So, what can we do if we are not kind or gentle? 1) Cry out to God in confession; and turn to Him for mercy and in repentance; 2) apologize to your children. Let them know that you know it's sinful—they are not your enemy, they are joy to you; 3) keep a close watch on your tongue (words, tone,
body language). Make a thorough study and effort at memorizing passages about the tongue (cf. James, much of Proverbs, Matthew 12, etc.); 4) be careful with your mannerisms. No, I do not wish to come across as a moralist, pop-psychologist, but be open and welcoming with your children. Let them be happy to come to you and know that you are happy to see them. B-I-G hugs and smiles. There is a reason parents wanted Jesus to bless their children; I think it was more than just theological. He wasn't a sour, dour grump. He was gentle and loving.

I want to be known as a tender and affectionate father—kind to all and gentle when correcting—yes to theological opponents, but especially my children. I'm not there, but by God's grace and fixing my eyes on Jesus through His provided means of grace, I will be.